Some Thoughts

I have a weight problem.  That’s obvious, but I think part of me going through this surgery and this lifestyle change is going to be journaling, i.e., blogging.  It’s kind of like free therapy.  Through this journey, I’m going to blog about how I have felt about myself, things I’ve thought about, wondered about, dreamed of, my successes, and my failures.  You can judge me and laugh at me, but don’t feel sorry for me. I’m fine and I’m going to be great, even more great than I ever was before!  I’m pretty great anyway, in case you were wondering. :-)

Some of the thoughts that have gone through my mind are......

I’ve lost weight here and there, but I wonder what it will be like to lose a significant amount of weight to the point where my drawers are falling off and I need to run to Wal-Mart and buy more before going to work.

I wonder what it will be like to walk the neighborhood and feel refreshed instead of feeling like someone kicked the crap out of me.

I wonder what it will feel like to eat a very small meal and feel satisfied and full.

I wonder how it will feel to be able to buy workout clothes and actually using them for working out instead of pajamas.

I wonder what it will be like to not feel so self-conscious and not worried about how people are looking at me and what they are thinking of me.

I can’t wait to fly and not have to pull the seat belt out all the way and squish my gut in.  I remember a specific time I was flying down to see Mike’s mom, I sat on the aisle seat and guy next to me groaned because I sat next to him.  I assume it was because I’m a “big girl” and he felt like he didn’t have any room.  Why else would he do that?  The plane was full so there was no chance in him getting to sit by himself.  I just sat there, hid my face and cried.  I love to fly and don’t want to EVER feel that way again.

There was another time I’m sure someone said something pretty ugly about me.  We were visiting with Mike’s mom, we were out on the rocks enjoying the waves crashing.  There is an outside restaurant and bar right there close to where we were standing and there were some guys at the bar and one of them said something and Mike went over to confront them and I could hear him yelling and then we left.  He would not tell me what the guy said, but I had a pretty good idea....beached whale came to mind.  I didn’t press the subject with Mike, because I don’t think I really wanted to know, but it was definitely a blow to my self-esteem. I have never forgotten it and probably won’t.


These are big things to me and I think about these quite often.  But you know what?  Those are things I’m not going to have to worry about anymore, because from this day forward, I'm going to rejoice in my accomplishments and praise God for everything He has done for me.

My Goals

I’m going to lose weight after this surgery, that’s a given, but I also want to work on it, i.e., exercising.  I promised Mike I would start exercising with him, building myself up because I won’t have a lot of energy to begin with, but he had to promise me he would buy me a really good pair of running shoes.  I’m not going to start running right away, but I surely want to work up to it because it’s something I would like to do.

First and foremost, I want to be healthy.  I’m teetering on the edge right now of going over to the dark side and I’m not ready to go to the dark side because my mind is young, but my body and health, not so much.  I want to be at the bottom of the hill where all of the other healthy people are hanging out, not at the top of hill, falling over the edge and having 3 or 4 different pills to take every day, having to go to this doctor and that doctor because of my health problems.

Since Maggie is old enough to start exercising at the YMCA (minimum age is 12), she is going to start walking the treadmill with me.  I want her to start some healthy habits now while she is young so she can keep those going and not end up like me.  I want my girls to stay healthy and I’m going make sure of that by setting a good example.  It’s not too late.  I am in no way whatsoever saying she is overweight, or anything like that, I just think the family as a whole needs to be healthy and have healthy habits.

This is what I’m shooting for as of right now.....

30 pounds = a really good pair of running shoes with fun colors

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50 pounds = an ovarian cancer tattoo to honor my sweet mother and her fight with ovarian cancer.  This is the tat I want to get (without the wording), on my back in the center right above my shoulder blades.  

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70 pounds = a pink or turquoise beach cruiser bike so I can take the kids to the park and we can ride bikes.

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Football season = being able to go into Team Fever and buy me a normal size Bama shirt to wear when I’m cheering on my Tide, instead of a man’s t-shirt.  I hate regular t-shirts.

www.fansedge.com

One year out from surgery = a pair of boots.  Not just any pair of boots but some really sweet “cowboy” boots.  I’ve been wanting some for a long time, but have never felt confident enough to wear them.  That’s just me, but soon to be the old me.

www.countryoutfitter.com

These are some of the goals I can think of initially.   I’m so excited about going to my pre-op appointment this week and finding out more about what to expect.  I have peace about my decision to have this surgery.  This is my last chance to get this weight off and be healthy for myself and my family!  

Big Changes Ahead For Me!

As I said in my previous post here, I had made the decision to do something about my weight and being a healthier me for myself and my family.  Well, I did all of what was required of me, and finally, it was approved for insurance and I will be having surgery on July 3.  People ask me what about the 4th of July (eating, etc) and I say who cares!  I don't need to eat all of that crap anyway!  My parents will make sure Mike and the girls are fed a yummy 4th of July meal!  I'm so excited to finally begin this journey of being healthy!  It's not going to be easy, but I've got great support in my family and friends.

I am going to start blogging my journey from beginning to who knows when.  I might even be brave enough to put my weight, I'll just have to play that one by ear.  Just keep an eye out for update posts!

So, here's to me and the rest of my healthy life!