Ella Jean Ezell - My Grandmother and My Dreams

I was very close to my Grandmother (my mom's mother). My mom had me when she was 19 and my grandmother was only 40, so she was like my second mom. I love her dearly. She fell and broke her hip at a young age, had colon cancer and beat it, but unfortunately, it came back and went straight for her liver. She suffered for too many years before finding out what was wrong, she had terrible symptoms of which I won't go into because it breaks my heart into a million pieces. It was a very rare kind of cancer and only certain hospitals could treat her. So off to Vanderbilt (Tennesse in case you didn't know) she went and had radiation straight into her liver. She went there for a while then she started going to Mercy in New Orleans. We live in Central Alabama so neither place is right around the corner. It then got to the point where nothing else could be done. She spent alot of time in bed and I spent alot of time in bed with her talking, reading the newspaper, watching Gone With The Wind (our favorite movie), something about Scarlet reminded me of my Grandmother, and I was spent my time telling her about my fiance whom she had met a few times, but there were times when my Grandmother would be too sick to have company and unfortunately, Mike never really got know my Grandmother. But as time got closer to my wedding date, the sicker she got. In getting ready for the big day, I wasn't able to spend time with her like I wanted to and the next thing I know, November 13, 1999, was here. My GrandDaddy didn't attend my wedding so he could stay home with her, but she was there in spirit.

After I got engaged and before she got really sick, she ordered me an absoutely beautiful porcelain bride on a stand that she wanted me to have at my wedding.  I put that doll on the table with my guest book.  It was the most precious gift I had received up to that point in my life.  Mike and I went on our honeymoon and spent a week at Disney World.  On Saturday, I called my mom before we left Orlando to start our 8-9 hour drive home.  She was pleasant on the phone and she said make sure you call me when you get home.  I knew then that my Grandmother had passed away.  I don't think I said one word to my new husband all the way home. I didn't want to go home, I didn't want to face the reality that my precious Grandmother had passed away.  I waited as long as I could when we got home to call my mother, but I forced myself to and she told me that my Grandmother had passed away on Friday, November 19, 1999.  She was only 69.  Everthing was a blur and I couldn't handle it. 

At the funeral we one of her favorite hymnals, Blessed Assurance.  To this day, I cannot sing that in church or even hear it without having a breakdown.  At the graveside service, a fella by the name of Robert Howard, who unfortunatley passed away at an early age, also played the trumpet at their church, played It Is Well With My Soul, which was completely heart wrenching.  That is another song I can't sing or hear in church.  I know it sounds crazy after 11 years, but my heart still hurts.

By the way it's killing me to write this...

My Grandmother's sister, Aunt Carol, lived in Yonkers, NY and just was not well enough to make to my Grandmother's funeral.  Within a very short period of time, she died.  Which leads me to my dream.  I dreamt that I was on the foot of my Grandmother's bed and she was sick, we were talking and she told me she was dying and not to be afraid because she was going to Heaven to see my cousin Jeremy, who died in the early 1980s right after he turned 2).  And she slowly drifted away.  Like most of my dreams it was very vivid.  Of course, I woke up crying and my mother called me the very next morning and told me that Aunt Carol had passed away the night before.  I swear my Grandmother was trying to tell me.

My dreams freak me out sometimes and I believe that is one dream that I will never forget.