How Much More Can I Take?

I really don't know the answer to that question.  I guess only God knows.  I started having headaches back in January and been seeing doctors and having MRIs and CT scans and seeing more doctors.  A neurologist told me that he didn't think whatever was going on in my head was a big deal and he would let me know.  I haven't heard anything.  The neurosurgeon I wanted to see sent me to an ENT, I wasn't sure why, but I guess he knows what he's doing.  So I went to see the ENT on Tuesday and he showed me the scans showed me where all of my spinal/brain fluid was leaking around my brain and where it shouldn't be.....around one of my eyes around the optic nerves, not good.  Now excuse me for not using the correct terminology, but he also told me that the pressure on my brain was elevated, causing the pressure headaches.  I said so is this serious and he said YES.  It could be treated with diurectics and if that doesn't keep the fluid down, then they will have to place a shunt in there so it drain into my stomach.  The only way they can test the pressure is to do a spinal tap.  Also, he informed me that if the pressure gets too bad, then my brain will bust through my skull, again, not correct terminology, and they will have to do surgery, remove that part of my skull so that can REMOVE that part of my brain that has broken through! Okay, wow....I'm at a loss for words.  I go see the neurosurgeon in two weeks and he will have the final say on what to do about this.  I'm scared, every time I have a little bit of pain in my head, which is all the time, all I can think is what if there is too much pressure and bust a vein and have an aneurysm and drop dead?  I don't know even know if that is real possibility, but that's what I keep thinking.  I'm ready for some answers, but I'm scare of what those answers might be.

So in the meantime of all of this, Sarah, the 5 year old, has been diagnosed with ADD.  I knew she would be like this, her daddy is.  That's okay, but we had a rough year of kindergarten.  Her doctor said she was borderline because she only has problems in school, nowhere else.  So we have started her on medication.  Who knows if anyone will even read this, just don't give me crap about giving my kid medication.  But since school has been out, she has been having meltdowns about everything!  Being hot, cold, hungry, sleepy, tired, legs hurt, blah blah blah.  She goes from 0 to 60 in about 1 second!  It's driving me crazy!  I want to choke her, but of course, I'm not.  But it sends me over the edge and hiding in my bathroom crying.  Hopefully she will calm down when we get in a routine. 

AND during all of this, in April, my mother had gastric bypass surgery.  She was doing fantastic and went back for the 3 week post-op appointment, they told her they found cancer.  At the time they were not sure of the source, so that was scary.  After weeks of testing, they came to the conclusion that it is fallopian tube cancer.  Less than 1% of women who get cancer in their reproductive organs get this type of cancer.  The doctor told her her prognosis was good, so that was wonderful news.  So she had her ports put in earlier this week and started treatment today. I got to go see her during treatment and take her some lunch today.  She is such an incredibly strong woman and I feel so selfish.  I called her this morning whining about Sarah not having shoes when we got to daycare and I had to drive 10 minutes out of the way to walmart and buy her some and take them back to daycare and wah wah wah....I was like how selfish am I?  Here I am whining to my mother about "not catching a break" all the while she is on her way to the first of 12 chemo treatments.  I am so sad over her having this beast inside her body.  She is my best friend and I can't imagine her not being in my life for one single day.  I'm not thinking she's on her death bed, but it just makes me realize that she won't be around forever and I will have to go on without her and it makes me so sad.  I try to be strong for her, but she is the one having to be strong for me! I cried when I saw her getting her treatment because she just shouldn't be there and she is the one telling me it's gong to be alright.  I'm such a weinie and it makes me mad.  I'm certain she will kick this beast and be just fine.  I pray and pray every day.